This was me in high school.
Intoxicated and who knows what else was flowing through my body.
I’m ashamed of this girl…Looking back now I’m not sure how I’m still alive today.
Spending most of my days drunk, skipping school to hang out with my “friends,” who were just as equally intoxicated. Then continuing the party into the night until the early hours of the morning.
Going on road trips, which was just a way we could drink without being seen by a parent.
Partying with friends every weekend, where it never failed I drank too much.
Driving my car as fast as it’d go, and riding with others who were just as careless.
I even drank alone in my room after school.
I worked 40+ hours, skipped school, danced recklessly with death, over-consumed, and yet, I’m still here today. The only thing I can say is that I believe I’m alive today because God has a plan for my life. That I would live to tell how I am an overcomer.
You see, I was thirsty. I was thirsty for something to fill the void I felt as a young girl. I was searching for love, for happiness, for something that would make me want to be alive.
I found it in God once before, but I didn’t have the tools to build on. Or, maybe because God knew I could handle it. I’ll never know until I can ask him face to face, or until I see his will played out.
All I know, is that even though I’m ashamed of that girl, that girl who does not define me but has made me who I am, I now have her testimony.
Her testimony is for any of you who think it’s too late for you. That think you’re too far gone. Maybe, you’re stuck living a life you hate but don’t know how to get out. My testimony is for you who thirst and cannot seem to quench that thirst with the ways of this world.
I will continue living by example that I am proof that you too can be saved, and change your life to live a respected and dignified life. One that serves others. One that you can be proud of. One that will be worth running, and that YOU WILL win your prize at the end.
Maybe my first picture wasn’t you in high school. Maybe your addiction didn’t unfold until later in life. Maybe you aren’t as extreme as I, but you feel the same chains of abuse and control. Maybe you are struggling every day because you aren’t the person you believe you are. Maybe you feel you are living a lie and all is hopeless.
My addiction took me into my adult years and even though it looked different, the captivity was the same. I would wake up drunk some mornings, and even got to the point where I was waking up in the middle of the night to drink so I could go back to sleep.
I drank for over a decade. When I went to quit it wasn’t exactly easy. In fact it was one of the hardest things I’ve done. I’m so lucky to have found Fit-Recovery as it is extremely challenging if at all doable to quit on pure will-power and “just talking about it”.
I was enslaved to alcohol in all aspects of my life, and Fit Recovery helped me to overcome all four pillars of my life involved in my addiction to alcohol:
- Biological – I was physically addicted to alcohol.
- Psychological – I used alcohol to self-medicate past traumas and because I didn’t love myself and thought I was unworthy.
- Social – Moving from school to school and finding it harder to make friends every time. Then I settled on trying to “fit in” with the wrong crowd. I wasn’t surrounded by people who loved me and built me up, or who made me strive to be a better person.
- Spiritual – I was thirsting for more. I knew my life had more meaning and purpose, but I was lost.
If you or anyone you know is struggling, please schedule a 20 minute all with me here to see how you can get on the road to freedom.
The topic for alcohol and God is very interesting to me. A year ago (after ten years of drinkig heavily) I started finding coins everywhere. Never been a religious person or believer in magic or something of the kind. But now I have two jars of coins (while before I had found, let’s say 20 coins in all in my whole life). And I go and pray in the local church for this awful feeling (for drinking) to go away and the coins on the ground are very much helping. Scott has said (if my memory serves me) that he… Read more »
Thanks for this interesting post Irena, and for your kind words!
P.S. people who use supplements or are in your consultation – don’t give it up as soon as you feel better; I bought some supplements, had great month and a half (first of many years without efforts; doing exercises, feeling happy); said to myself “everything’s great”, stopped supplements and a week after I had relapse – obviously a few months aren’t enough to fix everything (for me at least)
Great point Irena – the awesome people who do coaching with me are keenly aware that Nutrient Repair (supplementation) must be planned carefully, and shouldn’t be brought to an abrupt end once you’re feeling great. But it’s a great point for people reading this and other posts, thanks for sharing!