@Chris Scott, Thank you for your response. I have been obsessed with finding a permanent solution to this condition for more than a year now. Before that, I vacillated between thinking I don’t really have an issue and conveniently blaming people, things and situations. For the past one year, I’ve done a lot of research and trial and error and just when I thought I found a solution, I would fall flat on my face, have a relapse and embarrass myself and people around me. I wouldn’t do anything particularly embarrassing while drunk but just the fact that I went back out and drank un-human quantities for 20 hours straight despite being beaten black and blue by alcohol so many times is utterly embarrassing. Of all the conditions/diseases, alcoholism is probably the worst to have because for a non-alcoholic it looks like I am punching myself in the face and crying for help. Worse yet, it looks like when I am punching myself in the face, I like it a great deal. I now understand how baffling it could be for the couple of people that tried to help me in the past and gave up on me, branding me as hopeless.
When I watched your videos online recently, however, it gave me a ray of hope. Everything you said in those videos made absolute sense. The fact that you were willing to lay your soul bare for the benefit of others was absolutely inspiring. So here I am. Ready to give this course my fullest commitment.
I am 5 days sober now. I relapsed recently after 5 months of will power fueled sobriety. I don’t have any intentions of going back out at the moment but I know it is only a matter of time before my mind plays tricks on me. I want to start employing the right tools this time before I cave. I apologize for my lengthy response. Thanks for your patience.